Colin Egglesfield = Carlos Boganegra + Tom Cruise

With a little bit of Richard the eyeliner guy thrown in there for good measure…

Sorry, feeling LOST-algic.

And of course, the post that started it all…

The transition to life in New England has gone exceedingly smoothly. I arrived in early September and, faster than you can say “wicked pissa,” people were calling me Ginge and MBK. Ahhh, the sweet sounds of home. Not everything is so homey though. Just the other day I was walking through the dining hall when I noticed a “Philadelphia Steak and Cheese” option for lunch. I shuddered, knowing that they were describing an imitation Philly Cheesesteak, and the nice man serving them would think I was crazy if I uttered those magical words “whiz wit.” And don’t even get me started on the word “sub.” IT’S A HOAGIE. And I will not eat it until it is properly labeled and on an Amoroso roll.

Despite being in Boston, BC has the misfortune of being home to way too many Yankees fans (I suggest adding a box to check off baseball team preferences on the application).But guess who finished the regular season with the best record in baseball? That’s right THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES. Them Fightin’ Phils are back in the playoffs (again), and now I can remind everyone about how I was the only person who didn’t give up on Cole and Lidge after last season. Hollywood Hamels is shutting them down and Lights-Out Lidge is sending them home. We’ve got the best starting three in baseball, Jayson Werth has finally decided to start playing again, and the majority of the starting team is NOT on the DL.  It smells like October, which means it smells like the Yankees suck.

So tonight at 5:07, or whenever I return from class, I’ll sit down in front of TBS, listening to their terrible commentary, wearing my 2010 NL East Champions t-shirt, waving my rally towel, and dreaming of eating Chickie & Pete’s Crab Fries at the Bank.

Also, I’d like to point out that I returned to the blogosphere much faster than this blog’s namesake. If anyone would like to start a petition to change the name to Ginger Explains it All, it would be much appreciated.

As most of you know, Ryan and I will both be heading to separate colleges within the next week. While we were saying our goodbyes over lunch at Meridith’s in Berwyn earlier today, I started to think about the things I will miss when I leave for Boston next week. In an effort to avoid the waterworks that I am apparently so prone to, I have decided to limit my list to non-humans.

Things I Will Miss in College

The Farmer’s Market: Okay, so the Strafford staple isn’t a real farmer’s market. I get it. But seriously, have you ever had a better lunch than party dogs, a soft pretzel, and dried mangoes? And I can even pretend it’s healthy!

Avalon: Why can’t I just bring the beach with me? I’m sure New Englanders will try to convince me of the wonders of Nantucket and Cape Cod, but nothing can compare to the classiest town on the Jersey Shore.

Phillies Fans: Question: Are there any better sports fans in the world? Answer: False.

Chickie & Pete’s Crab Fries: I’m afraid to learn how many calories are in a serving of crab fries, and I’m even more afraid to learn how many I have consumed in my 18 years. What I’m not afraid of is eating an entire helping at every Phillies game I attend.

Verizon Cable: On Demand, HBO, Fox Soccer Channel, what will I do without you?

Seafood: Yes, I know that there is plenty of seafood in Boston. My mother has assured me that it is amazing. But will I be able to afford it? Probably not, so Mom, please think of this as an invitation to send me scallops and crab meat whenever you please. You want me to get my protein in college, right?

Ralphie: Please don’t tell my dad, but I secretly love him. It’s very confusing for me to drive now. What do I do with my left foot and my right hand? I plan on using my ability to drive stick shift as an excuse for me to road trip through Europe.

KOP: True story: During orientation, I was talking with a girl from D.C. about how great the shopping in Georgetown was. I mentioned I live 10 minutes away from the country’s largest retail shopping mall and she was all “OMG KOP???”. I actually don’t know how to shop anywhere that doesn’t have at least 4 upscale department stores, a J. Crew, and more than one Starbucks.

Philly Accents: “Wooder” sounds so much better than “Let’s pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd.” Although I could get used to throwing around the word “wicked” in my vocabulary. For instance, “Did you read Mary Bridget’s latest blog post? It’s wicked funny.”

My Closets: I have 6 days to pack, and I am still under the delusion that I can fit 3 closets (one of which is a walk-in) worth of clothes in my new dorm room.

Nudy’s: A short stack of cinnamon bun French toast, a side of bacon and a glass of milk, please.

Hoagies: THEY ARE CALLED HOAGIES. NOT SUBS. NOT GRINDERS. ANYONE WHO TELLS ME OTHERWISE WILL BE WICKED SORRY WHEN I’M DONE WITH THEM.

DISCLAIMER: You will probably wet yourself while watching this video.

Excuse me, I have to go change my clothes because I think I peed myself again.

What’s that picture of, you say? Oh, you know, just Bill Clinton and Carlos Bocanegra enjoying a brew in the USMNT dressing room of the World Cup. Not a big deal. Unless, of course, you are Mary Bridget.

My two far fetched dreams are as follows 1. Have a beer with Bill Clinton and 2. Touch a shirtless member of the U.S. Men’s National Soccer Team.

WHY, BILL, WHY??? I’m a raging liberal. I love soccer. I hate Bush. I support affordable healthcare for all Americans. I’m too young to remember much of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and probably wouldn’t care that much if I could. Why couldn’t you invite me to come join in the celebrations?? I could even cross another continent off my list with that trip!! Oh, well, at least I have this grainy picture to stare at while I keep on dreaming about brews with Bill and those beautiful, sculpted bodies.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

After twenty six minutes of overtime and two destroyed vocal chords, I witnessed Spain win the World Cup. To be honest, I didn’t care about either team. Sure, Spain has Gerard Piqué (above), the first mentally deficient player to make it to a World Cup final, but the Dutch also had an entire team of Joran van der Sloot lookalikes (that guy who murdered Natalie Holloway and some Peruvian chick).

Horribly insensitive remarks aside, the final match was incredibly tedious and we need to lay some ground rules to prevent the 2014 cup from sucking so much:

1. Instant Replay

I understand that FIFA and its referees are just now catching up to the eighteenth century but it’s time that they incorporate some twentieth century technology into this twenty-first century world.

2. Coed Teams

France can’t even properly racially integrate a team without severe cultural turmoil so why not mess with them even more by requiring both men and women on the field? Besides, I don’t think anyone even knows about the Women’s World Cup (I think that’s on right after the Puppy Bowl).

3. Vuvuzelas Now Considered Weapons

They already assault our ears so let’s turn vuvuzela boxing into the world’s trendiest, new blood sport!

4. Shakira Banned from All Future World Cups

“Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)” has to be one of the worst combination of sounds (it’s not really a song, is it?) since “Who Let the Dogs Out?” and for that, Shakira will never be forgiven. The lyrics were lazy and when I do the Waka Waka dance in my house, my dog barks at me (maybe there’s a racial component?). She should have just done a cover of “African Child.”

5. Americans Stop Pretending to Give a Modicum of a Shit

Oh? It was offsides, you say? Well that’s funny because I was just watching baseball and I don’t really give a fuck, to be honest.

6. Paul Worship

Paul the octopus has successfully predicted eight matches of the World Cup. This means he is our new god. Jesus/Paul take the wheel.

For those of you who haven’t quite caught onto the World Cup yet (ladies, I’m talking to you), here are 16 beautiful, chisled, athletic reasons to start watching. We all, meaning freaks like me who follow soccer more often than once every four years, know what the round of 16 bracket looks like, as of this afternoon, but I’d like to introduce a different kind of bracket to the blogosphere. So grab your vuvuzelas, start up those USA! chants, and get ready to play…

The Round of 16: Hottest Player Edition

Anyone with a drop of Estrogen in her body who has been watching the World Cup knows what I’m talking about. Those soccer players. They’re gorgeous. USA, Spain, Uruguay, the Netherlands, the list goes on. I had originaly intended to create some sort of bracket for these players, but let’s be honest, I’ve made my decisions and here are the results. If you have  a problem, leave it in the comments section. And yes, half of these players are American. Get over it.

16. David James (England)

It was very difficult for me to include an English player on this list, but seriously, just look at him.

15. Nicolas Lodeiro (Uruguay)

Yes, he’s kind of a pretty boy, but one look into those gorgeous brown eyes and he’s melting my Ginger heart.

14. Cacau (Germany)

Still hot, even when he sweats.

13. Rafael Van Der Vaart (Netherlands)

His smile is adorable.

12. Xabi Alonso (Spain)

I don’t think any team has a player with cheekbones so chisled and facial hair so perfectly scruffy.

11. Fernando Torres (Spain)

I don’t know if you’ve seen pictures of what his hair used to look like, but if you have, you know that Fernando wins most improved. Hands down.

10. Landon Donovan (USA)

Loses points for the receding hairline. Sorry Landon, please use some Rogaine. This kind of makes up for it. Work that stanky leg, Landon.

9. Jozy Altidore (USA)

So adorable.

8. Oguchi Onyewu (USA)

Don’t you just want him to give you a big hug?

7. Clint Dempsey (USA)

Remember what I said about Alonso’s cheekbones and scruff? Well I was wrong. The award goes to Clint.

6. Jay DeMerit (USA)

He needed 5 stitches on his tongue after the Algeria game, and did a somersault over the pile of bodies celebrating Donovan’s goal. Sexy.

5. Carlos Bocanegra (USA)

Hottest. Captain. Ever.

4. Diego Forlán (Uruguay)

The abs. The hair. Also, I recently realized that Josh Lucas + Bradley Cooper = Diego Forlán

3. Dennis Aogo (Germany)

I’m actually going to excuse his tacky earrings because he is so cute.

2. Benny Feilhaber (USA)

So hot. And funny. Watch him on Studio 90, he’s great.

1. Michael Bradley (USA)

Sorry boys, this wasn’t even a competition. Michael wins hands down. By a landslide. No need for tiebreakers. Thanks for playing.

I love soccer (football). Even though no one has actually won yet. Draws are lame. Wayne Rooney can suck it. I hope someone heatbutts him tomorrow.

USA!

I love my iPhone, don’t get me wrong, but there’s something misleading about Apple’s constant “there’s an app for that” commercials. Sure, it’s cool that you can turn out the lights with your phone, but that’s not what I’m interested in. I have plenty of favorite apps (Hipstamatic, ESPN ScoreCenter, MLB At Bat 2010, IMDb, No Fear Shakespeare, WordPress, the list goes on), there are quite a few apps that I have dreamt about, but are not yet abailable in the iTunes App Store (take note, Steve Jobs).

1. Talk Dirty French

How exactly am I supposed to work those discos in Provence if I can’t “talk dirty French”? These wonderful books, featured prominently at most Urban Outfitters, spill on the essential slang needed for traveling in foreign countries. Certainly it can’t be too hard to put a condensed version into an App for me to use while getting my groove on en francais. Seriously, If I can get nineteen of Shakespeare’s plays on my iPhone, I should be able to get a handful of useful French slang terms.

2. MILK!

I don’t think its a secret that I have an addiction to milk (seriously Mom, there are worse things for me to be addicted to). There is that lame iMilk app where you can pretend to drink milk, and then shake to curdle into cream. But I want an app that I can actually drink milk out of. I really don’t think that’s asking too much here…

3. Wimbledon 2010

Seriously, you haven’t upgraded from the 2009 version yet? The Championships Wimbledon are just over a week away, and I’d really appreciate it if I could start my portable tennis coverage now, thank you very much.

4. Virtual Finn Hudson App

Just because. Don’t judge.

5. Live TV App

It’s coming. It’s inevitable. Please hurry it up. Verizon and/or Comcast, take note. Also, a Netflix app would be nice.

6. Skype

Please introduce this with the iPhone 4. It would be oh so Zenon of you. And it would make my heart go boom boom (my Supernova girl).

7. iCalculus, iPhysics, etc

If I can take a picture of a barcode with my iPhone, and the Red Laser app can tell me what it is and the cheapest place to find it, I should be able to take a picture of my homework and my phone will solve it for me.

8. The Sometimes Sookie Stackhouse App

I’d really like to read minds, but only some minds. And only when I want to. For instance, when someone is trying to kill me.